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Lifesaver

Alright. Here’s the thing. I’m not going to write anymore imagines like this. I know this is only the second insecurity type imagine I’ve written, the first one being Moonlight Swim. These things make me uncomfortable cause I don’t want to offend anyone, and I don’t want to possibly trigger anyone. I hate that word. Trigger. It’s thrown around way too much. 

Anyway, back to my point. I don’t cut, or self-harm in anyway. And I’d feel so much better knowing none of you do either, but I know you do, and I hate that. I hate that some of you out there are hurting so much that you feel the need to harm yourself, or worse, go as far as killing yourself. I have lost a friend to suicide, and I remember just crying for days after finding out. 

I have a lot of people following me, and I just want you all to know nothing is as bad as it seems. It does get better. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please message me. I’ll give you my Facebook if I need to, so the notification will actually go to my phone. You are not alone. Please… please find someone to talk to if you are at the point where you feel like doing something drastic.

You run into your house, slamming the door behind you. Today had been quite possibly the worst day of school you’ve encountered thus far. You run u the stairs to your room and close that door behind you as well. You throw your bag down onto the ground and make your way over to your closet. You crouch down and reach towards the back of the small space. Your hand makes contact with a small box. You open the box slowly, making sure not to spill the contents everywhere. Your heart rate quickens. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, but there’s nothing else you can do. You pull out a small razorblade; your distorted reflection filling you with disgust.

You’re so gross, Y/N. Do you even try when you wake up? Why are you even alive? Just kill yourself and get it over with,” you mumble as you walk into your bathroom. You shut that door behind you and walk towards the bathtub. You pull your jeans off and climb into the bath.

Did you really miss that question? It was so easy. You’re so stupid. Do you really think we’d let your ugly ass sit with us?” You continue to mumble the hurtful words you heard all day. You slowly raise your hand containing the blade up to your thigh.  You push the blade into your skin, hissing at the initial contact. A bead of blood appears on your skin. You pull the blade across your skin in a perfect line. You lift the blade and admire your work.

You’re soon filled with a calming feeling. Your head is still swimming with all the hateful words that were thrown at you today, but it doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts anymore. You’re in a sort of trance. You swipe the blade across your leg three more times. Each time you make sure each line lines up perfectly with the last.

“Oh my god,” you hear a voice gasp. You freeze in your movements. Your vision blurs for a second as you slowly come back to reality. When you do, you see hands grabbing at yours, pulling the blade from your fingertips. You blink a few times to rid your vision of any fuzziness. A person comes into your vision.

“I knew you weren’t okay,” you hear them say, “You seemed so off. I should have made sure you were okay. God, I’m such an idiot.”

“Dan?” you question. The person looks down at you with wide eyes. He crouches down from the sink with a wet towel in his hands. He gently dabs at your wounds. A tear falls from his eye, and lands on your leg. He freezes in place, shaking uncontrollably.

“Y/N…” he cries, “You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to hurt yourself.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” you say quietly, “Everyone else wants me dead.”

Fuck them!” Dan screams. You jump, startled at his sudden burst of emotion. He looks at you with tears steaming down his face.

“Who cares what they think about you? They don’t matter. None of them are your friends, so fuck what they think about you!”

“Dan–“

“No! I’m not done. I don’t ever want to see you do this again. I don’t want to know that you’re hurting yourself. If anything were to… if anything were to ever happen to you… I don’t… I don’t…” Dan looks away from you. He sits back and put his head in his hands. His whole body shakes as he cries. You’ve never seen Dan this emotional. He’s the happiest person you know. He only ever gets angry at video games. You’ve never once seen him cry, and it breaks your heart. Especially knowing that he’s crying over you.

“Dan, please,” you hold back a sob. Dan wipes at his eyes and shakes his head. He bites his lip to keep from crying and goes back to cleaning your wounds. He opens the cabinet under the sink and pulls out the band-aids. He makes sure the wounds are no longer bleeding before putting the multitude of band-aids on your leg.

“Dan,” you try again. He scoots forward quickly, grabbing your face in his hands, and connecting your lips. You’re surprised at first, but soon relax into the kiss. Dan pulls back slowly and rests his head on yours.

“Please…” he sighs. He opens his eyes slowly.

“Please don’t do this again. Please. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I’m sorry for not showing you I cared sooner. I’m so sorry. I love you so much, Y/N. Please don’t leave me.” A sob escapes your lips. You grab Dan into a hug, nuzzling into the crook in his neck.

“I promise,” you cry, “I promise I won’t do it again.”

Dan was only a friend to you. You never realized just how much you mattered to him, or anyone for that matter. You never realized just how much you depended on him. He was more than just a friend to you. He was your lifesaver.

You hugged Dan as if your life depended on it, because it did. If he hadn’t stopped, who knows how far you would have gone. If not for yourself, you knew you now had one thing to live for.

Dan.

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